The method
How it works
Danny's sheet is a joke with a straight face: the opinions are his and the arithmetic is fixed, published here, and identical for everyone. For entertainment purposes only.
The rules
- Start at +10.“Everyone starts at ten. Nobody's a zero till they've earned it.”
- Twelve lines on the sheet. Nine are numbers he can check and three are a test he runs over a drink.
- No line can be skipped. A skipped line scores as the worst answer.“Skip a question, I score it as the worst answer. Bunny says that's harsh. Bunny married a three-oh-six.”
- The three families stand: Shed below +100, Bed +100 to +199, Wed +200 and up.
- The nine ranks sort inside the families and never cross them.
Part 1: The numbers
Nine things Danny can see or ask in a bar. Each is a lookup, not a judgement. The website takes the number and does the sum; Danny did it on a beer mat.
1. Height
“Short enough to pick up, tall enough to reach the shelf.”
Working rule: men like a woman between 5'3" and 5'10".
| Answer | Points |
|---|---|
| 5'3" to 5'10" | +30 |
| 5'1" to 5'2", or 5'11" | +20 |
| 5'0", or 6'0" | +10 |
| 4'11" or under“Pocket-sized is a compliment, but I've got a bad back.” | 0 |
| 6'1" | -10 |
| 6'2" and over“I'm not dating a lamppost.” | -30 |
| I'd rather not say (scored as the worst answer) | -30 |
2. Weight
“Healthy. That's the word. I don't care what the magazines say, I care if she can run for a bus.”
The sheet takes height and weight and works out the BMI. Danny worked it out too, badly, with his fingers.
| Answer | Points |
|---|---|
| BMI 19.0 to 24.0 | +40 |
| 18.0 to 18.9, or 24.1 to 26.0 | +25 |
| 17.0 to 17.9, or 26.1 to 28.0 | +10 |
| 16.0 to 16.9, or 28.1 to 30.0 | -15 |
| Under 16.0, or 30.1 to 35.0 | -40 |
| Over 35.0“That's not a type, that's a health condition, and I'm not a nurse.” | -60 |
| I'd rather not say (scored as the worst answer) | -60 |
3. Children
“A kid's a kid. I'll be nice to it. I'm not raising another man's and I'm definitely not raising three men's.”
| Answer | Points |
|---|---|
| No children | +40 |
| One child | +15 |
| Two or more, same father“Fair play, she picked one and stuck.” | +5 |
| Children by more than one man“That's not a family, that's a franchise.” | 0 |
| I'd rather not say (scored as the worst answer) | 0 |
4. The Count
“Five's the limit, Bunny. After five it's a bus stop: everyone's been through and nobody stayed.”
How many people she has slept with, as a number.
| Answer | Points |
|---|---|
| None | +60 |
| One | +45 |
| Two | +30 |
| Three | +20 |
| Four | +10 |
| Five | +5 |
| More than five“I don't need the number. I can tell from the way she holds a pint.” | 0 |
| I'd rather not say (scored as the worst answer) | 0 |
5. Tattoos
“Ink is a story she's telling strangers. I'd rather she told me.”
| Answer | Points |
|---|---|
| None | +25 |
| One, and you'd have to be lucky to see it | +15 |
| One, visible | 0 |
| Several, hidden | -10 |
| Several, visible | -30 |
| Neck, hands or face“If I can read you from across the pub, no.” | -45 |
| I'd rather not say (scored as the worst answer) | -45 |
6. Education
“I need her to read the menu. I don't need her to correct it.”
| Answer | Points |
|---|---|
| Can't read“Non-negotiable. The menu, Bunny.” | -40 |
| Left school at 16 | +10 |
| A-levels or college | +15 |
| A degree“Nice one. Don't mention it.” | +15 |
| A master's | +5 |
| A doctorate“Doctor of what? Doctor of telling me I'm wrong.” | 0 |
| I'd rather not say (scored as the worst answer) | -40 |
7. Age
“The number's the number. Don't shoot the messenger.”
| Answer | Points |
|---|---|
| 18 to 24 | +20 |
| 25 to 29 | +15 |
| 30 to 34 | +5 |
| 35 to 39 | -10 |
| 40 and over“My mum's got friends.” | -30 |
| I'd rather not say (scored as the worst answer) | -30 |
8. Looks
“Knock two off whatever she says. Everybody lies. Then knock one off because she asked.”
Self-rated, out of ten.
| Answer | Points |
|---|---|
| Rated 9 or 10 | +25 |
| 7 or 8 | +20 |
| 5 or 6 | +10 |
| Below 5“Honesty. I'll give her that for free.” | 0 |
| I'd rather not say (scored as the worst answer) | 0 |
9. Career
“Work's fine. Work's great. Work's not the husband.”
| Answer | Points |
|---|---|
| No job, or part-time | 0 |
| A job | 0 |
| A career | -10 |
| Runs the place“Then who's running mine?” | -25 |
| I'd rather not say (scored as the worst answer) | -25 |
Part 2: The Loyalty Test
Three lines, asked over a drink. This is the part he cared about and the only part that can take a Wed and put her in the Shed in one answer.
“Looks fade, Bunny. A knife in the back doesn't.”
10. Loyalty
“Would she have your back when it's not fun to have it?”
| Answer | Points |
|---|---|
| Has never once sold out a friend, a sister or a bloke, and can prove it with a story | +50 |
| Mostly loyal, one wobble she owns | +25 |
| Loyal when it's convenient | 0 |
| Has done the dirty and calls it growth | -40 |
| Keeps a spare“There's always a spare. The spare's the tell.” | -80 |
| I'd rather not say (scored as the worst answer) | -80 |
11. Drama
“Can she disagree without the whole pub finding out?”
| Answer | Points |
|---|---|
| Says it once, quietly, and means it | +20 |
| Says it loudly, then forgets it | +5 |
| Needs an audience | -15 |
| Throws things“I've been thrown at. By experts.” | -30 |
| I'd rather not say (scored as the worst answer) | -30 |
12. Banter
“Can she take a joke. Can she give one back. That's the whole of it.”
| Answer | Points |
|---|---|
| Gives better than she gets | +15 |
| Laughs, then gets you later | +10 |
| Laughs politely | 0 |
| Reports you“To who, Bunny? To who?” | -20 |
| I'd rather not say (scored as the worst answer) | -20 |
The sum
Everyone starts at +10. The twelve lines are added to that. There is no weighting, no rounding and no randomness. The best possible sheet scores +350 and the worst scores -350. Weight is scored through BMI, which the sheet works out from the height and weight you enter.
The line that cost most is the one furthest below the best answer available on that line. If two lines tie, the earlier one on the sheet is named.
Three families, nine ranks
Danny's verdicts are Shed, Bed and Wed. Each family holds three ranks. The boundaries are inclusive and never change between people.
- Tier ICertified Chaos-350 to -151Shed
- Tier IIRed Flag Royalty-150 to -1Shed
- Tier IIIShed0 to 99Shed
- Tier IVTrouble Worth Having100 to 139Bed
- Tier VBed140 to 169Bed
- Tier VIDangerously Close170 to 199Bed
- Tier VIIWed200 to 234Wed
- Tier VIIIWifey Material235 to 274Wed
- Tier IXHigh Value Woman275 to 350Wed
| Tier | Rank | Family | Total | Danny says |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| I | Certified Chaos | Shed | -350 to -151 | “Run. Don't walk. Run.” |
| II | Red Flag Royalty | Shed | -150 to -1 | “She's got a crown on. It's made of red flags.” |
| III | Shed | Shed | 0 to +99 | “Lovely girl. Not for me. Probably not for you.” |
| IV | Trouble Worth Having | Bed | +100 to +139 | “You'll regret it. Enjoy regretting it.” |
| V | Bed | Bed | +140 to +169 | “Yes. Obviously. Don't text her on a Sunday.” |
| VI | Dangerously Close | Bed | +170 to +199 | “Careful. That one's got a key to your flat and you didn't give it to her.” |
| VII | Wed | Wed | +200 to +234 | “Meet the mum. Get a haircut.” |
| VIII | Wifey Material | Wed | +235 to +274 | “I'd say something clever but she'd beat me to it.” |
| IX | High Value Woman | Wed | +275 to +350 | “She's not just a Wed, Bunny. She's the whole bloody vault.” |
Three worked sheets
- Sheet A: +305, High Value Woman. “See? It's not impossible. It's just rare, like a decent kebab.”
- Sheet B: +115, Trouble Worth Having. “Told you. The count's the count.”
- Sheet C: -185, Certified Chaos. “I've met her. We all have.”
Privacy, in one line
All of this happens in your browser. What you type is kept in this tab only and is never sent to us. Share cards carry the total, the rank, Danny's verdict and the name of the line that cost most, never the answer on it.
Versions
Scoring version 2.0, copy version 2.0. Any change to the lines, the bands, the points or the rank boundaries is published as a new scoring version.