Skip to content
TheMorningwood Scale

SHED. BED. WED.

Are you a Shed, a Bed, a Wed… or a High Value Woman?

Twelve lines on a beer mat. Nine numbers Danny Morningwood can check and three questions he asks over a drink. Take the test and he does the sum, gives you a rank, and says something you will probably want to share.

Before Danny gets started

A word about what you're getting into

The Morningwood Scale is a comedy sheet in the voice of Danny Morningwood, a fictional character with strong opinions, a biro and no filter. It is adult humour for readers aged 18 and over, and it says nothing true about anyone's worth.

Danny asks blunt questions: height, weight, age, children, how many people you have slept with, tattoos, education, work and loyalty. Every line has an “I'd rather not say”, which he scores as the worst answer, because he is Danny. Nothing you type leaves this device.

For entertainment purposes only. No account, no email, and nothing you type leaves this device. How it works

Danny Morningwood laughing at a kitchen table with a mug reading Good Food, Brighter Days
Danny, about to do the maths on a beer mat. Meet him

“Three kinds, Bunny. Shed, Bed, Wed. Everything else is maths.”

Danny Morningwood, opening the notebook

Nine numbers

Height, weight, children, the count, tattoos, education, age, looks and career. Each one is a lookup on Danny's sheet, not a judgement call.

The Loyalty Test

Loyalty, drama and banter, asked over a drink. The only part that can take a Wed and put her in the Shed in one answer.

Danny's number

Everyone starts at +10. The lines add up to a total from −350 to +350, a rank, a verdict, and the one line that cost most. Done in your browser, same rules for everyone.

Nine verdicts

Three families. Nine ranks.

Shed below +100, Bed from +100 to +199, Wed from +200 up. The nine ranks sort inside the families and never cross them.

  1. Tier ICertified Chaos-350 to -151Shed
  2. Tier IIRed Flag Royalty-150 to -1Shed
  3. Tier IIIShed0 to 99Shed
  4. Tier IVTrouble Worth Having100 to 139Bed
  5. Tier VBed140 to 169Bed
  6. Tier VIDangerously Close170 to 199Bed
  7. Tier VIIWed200 to 234Wed
  8. Tier VIIIWifey Material235 to 274Wed
  9. Tier IXHigh Value Woman275 to 350Wed

“She's not just a Wed, Bunny. She's the whole bloody vault.”

Danny Morningwood, on scoring a High Value Woman